Admidst the Memories
by ScarletPetals
Summary: His every word or emotion was no secret to me. I knew what every simple reply or question really meant. I knew what every facial expression told. I hated myself for this. Why has he become such a big part of my life, when I rarely even show up in his? I won't let him treat me like trash anymore. I'm going to prove to him that I'm important. That I exist.


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto. Simple as that.**

* * *

**Amidst the Memories**

**Chapter 1**

**- _Breaking the Promise__  
_**

* * *

_Day after day, I waited. Days became weeks. Weeks became months. Months became years. Eventually, I gave up hope. I threw it all away. Locked my past away in the dark chambers within my heart, never to be opened again. There was only person who held the key, the power, to unlock all my secrets. And that one person has already been long gone. Never to be seen again, just like my heart._

* * *

I stared blankly through the window sill, and watched the droplets pound the surface, engulfing my world in the dark, cloudy skies.

They were sent on a mission today. It was to retrieve the traitor from our village. The same one who left me unconscious on a nearby bench 3 years ago. The same one that I had considered my teammate. The one that I had pleaded to stay with me. The one that made me stupid and ignorant. The one that I had spilled my heart for. _Sasuke Uchiha._

Of course, they asked me to come, but I only replied with an excuse. '_I have important documents that I need to write._' Why did I make up an excuse at the last minute? Why didn't I go with them? It would've just been any normal mission that I've been assigned to. Nothing would change if we did complete it, and nothing would change if we failed either. Why was I so reluctant to go with them? I didn't know, but something deep inside my heart felt _hope._ Now, that was an emotion that I haven't felt for a _long _time. As I became older and more mature, I learned not to trust _hope _anymore. I've disappointed myself one too many times. Or maybe I just wasn't ready to see _him _again.

As I changed over the years, he probably did too. Even if they somehow managed to bring him back to the village, it didn't mean that things were suddenly _alright. _I only expected him to be only an empty outer shell of who he really was. He was no longer the dear _Sasuke-kun_ that I held inside my heart. I gave up on him when it was obvious that he wasn't going to return anytime soon. That showed that he really didn't care about us. He probably never even gave a thought to how much _pain _he caused us over the first few months of his departure.

When he never came back, something in my heart died. That was when I knew that I _loved _him. During my early days when I was still a genin, I believed that it was love at first sight. Heh. How ignorant of me. But then again, I was young and full of hope. I only loved him because he appeared.. perfect. Yes, that's it. It was simply because he seemed perfect from the outside. Beautiful doll-like complexion, dark raven hair, and those deep obsidian eyes that dripped with determination. He passed every class with absolute perfect scores. I was fascinated by him. It made me want to know more, and that chance came up when I was assigned with Team 7.

That's when I learned more about him. As each day passed when we completed missions together, hung out together.. I began to _truly _fall in love with him. I recognized him as a person, and not something like a doll for me to play with. I found his imperfections to be somewhat reassuring, so that I wasn't _completely _out of his league. Then.. I learnt of the Uchiha massacre. He was all _alone. _ That brought me to a completely different level than him. I had parents. I had friends. Maybe that was why he never let me in. Maybe that's why he never let me feel _pity _or _sy__mpathy _for him. Though, I desperately _tried _to understand him. I tried to tell him that I was his friend, that I was _there _for him. I don't think my words ever reached his ears, because not once, had he ever considered me a _friend._ Never knowing what it feels like to be _alone, _I gave him my opinion on it. "_Revenge never solved anything. It won't bring back what you lost._" He simply ignored my hollow words. I guess it was because I never felt the emptiness of being abandoned. Until he left. I was practically pleading him to stay in Konoha on that fateful night. It did nothing, as he left anyway. Apparently, I wasn't worth his time. And now, he isn't worth mine.

* * *

I returned to looking through the stacks of paperwork that crowded my desk. Giving each a quick glace, I rubbed my temples to try and get rid of the headache that furiously pounded inside my head. It didn't do anything, as I was _still _thinking about him. Brushing the papers to the side, I stressed over the questions that had lay dormant in my mind for years.. until now. "_What if Sasuke **did**_ _return?_" "_What if he recognized us as something **important **to_ _him?_" The voices inside my head tormented me. They kept asking the same questions over and over again. The ones that I already knew the answer to. Never. It was simple as that. The second he left us, I _knew _that he never planned on returning. It wasn't like he was with us to begin with. He was always distant, thinking about other things. Not once, had he paid attention to what was plain out in front of his face. I knew it all from the beginning. It was _hope _that consumed the truth._  
_

Slowly, I rose from the lightly cushioned wooden chair that sat beside my desk. I stepped over towards the hooks embedded into the wall and pulled off my lab coat, dropping it on the hook. With that, I walked out of my office and locked the door behind me with a resounding _click._

I reached my apartment soon enough, after silently walking through the dark night only lit by the occasional streetlights that constantly flickered. Just as normal, I stuck the key into the hole, twisted the knob, stepped inside, and I immediately dropped my bags to the ground as I flipped the light switch on. _You could be with them now, searching for him. Instead, you're here, leading life **just as normal**. _ A voice inside my head nagged at me. _What if they need you? What if they're in trouble, and you're not there to help them? _Stop it. I've already decided that I wasn't going to join them for the search. _That doesn't mean that you **don't ****care**. _At this point, I was nearly ready to slap myself. Knock me out. I needed it. But then it came again. _Face it. We both know how worried you are. We both know how much you've **waited **for this day to come. Why aren't you there to experience it first-hand?_ I paused. What was I doing again? I must have been getting ready for bed, since I found myself sitting on the mattress.

I began to take my clothes off, replacing them with my pajamas. I pulled the soft fabric closer to me, trying to give myself some comfort. I had a long day, I needed rest. I slipped into the bed covers and laid silently on my back for some time, staring at the blank ceiling. An hour or two passed. Not once did I close my eyes or droop them. They stayed wide awake, replaying the memories over and over again.

His piercing dark obsidian gaze never left mine. That was probably the first time that he had ever _truly _looked at me. He had reached out his arm, offering it to me, while he turned the other way, hiding an annoyed expression. Sure, it didn't seem like _wanted _to do it, but it made me happy. Sooner or later, he returned my cheerful smile with a smirk of his own. Alas, I was barely able to catch it.

The kunais were aimed at our hearts. They penetrated through the flesh as they came out from the other side, engulfed in dark, crimson liquid. I shrieked. I was scared. I couldn't move a muscle from my petrified state, seeing our deaths. No, maybe I was already dead. But then I felt a yank on my arm, and I was pulled away from that nightmare. Quickly pushed back into reality, I noticed his bloody leg. His pants were _soaked _in it, and there was a familiar black blade that was embedded in his thigh. He _saved _us. Even back then, he was my _hero._ Though, he never glanced back at me as I followed intently behind him.

I was crying. My hair had been yanked upwards, pulled in a tight grip by the girl dressed in army clothes. That was when those blossom pink locks fell to the floor. My tears subsided and I felt myself growing stronger. Naruto and Sasuke protected me. They risked their own lives trying to save me. Now, it was _my _chance to save them. Hair did not matter when it came to the question of life or death. I could merely grow it back out, but my teammates.. Once they were gone, they would never return. I had shot kunai at every angle that I could possibly throw, but alas, each one was blocked with a mere turn of the body or a substitution. That's when I decided to hit him with everything I had. No more substitutions. I wouldn't hide behind my friends any longer. In the end.. I became beaten and bruised. That was when I began to lose confidence in myself. Then _he _came. I didn't know whether he was protecting me, or if he was mad because they had knocked him unconscious. I wanted to believe that he was _saving _me, but I knew that it wasn't true.

Days passed by quickly and we became stronger together, _as a team._ We did everything together. I was too consumed with my own happiness that I didn't even _notice _his _emptiness_. He may have shown some occasional facial expressions once in a while, but it felt like he was hollow. Sometimes, I felt as if I was just talking to a doll. An empty, hollow, life-less doll. He never gave up his bloodthirsty revenge. Here and there, he'd show faint signs that it never left his mind, but not once, had the thought even crossed my mind. I thought that he had simply _given up._ I was wrong.

I felt my heart break apart. It was horrifying how much I loved him. How many times I replayed his last moments with me, how many times I tried to remember every single word he said. I told myself that he was a traitor to my village. That he never even gave a thought about me. I tried to hurt myself with my words, _hoping _that I could forget about him. Erase him from my life. It worked. After months and months of agonizing over his abandonment to the village, I decided that I was done. I stopped thinking about him everyday. I stopped crying the tears that escaped my eyes. I felt myself getting better, that I was growing _stronger._ I lived three years without having his face race through my memories. I survived without shedding a tear in four years. I felt like I was cured. I felt.. _happy._

Then, Tsunade-Shishou came with this mission. She saw Naruto and I becoming strong, young shinobi. She felt like this job was practically _made _for us. Maybe that's why she assigned it to us. Because I was _with _him, at his last moments with the village. Of course, she knew how much I suffered throughout the years. I was her _student._ It was impossible for her _not _to notice my pain. The only thing she did, was bring back those horrible memories that I had been trying so hard to forget. I don't blame her for doing what she did though. She only did it because she thought it was for the best.

* * *

I closed my eyes for a brief second, as I contemplated all that _he's _put me through. Then, I suddenly realized that my cheek was wet. So was my pillow. It was practically _soaking. _Was I _crying_? I could barely remember the last time I drowned myself in tears, but here I am. I thought I was _stronger _than this. That I wasn't so _weak _anymore.

I rose from the bed and walked over to the bathroom. The lights flipped on, and I stared at myself in the mirror. I simply stared. I examined every detail that I haven't truly noticed from when I woke up every morning. My eyes were still the beautiful emerald green, but.. with a hint of red. My gleaming pink locks still looked soft and silky, but.. it was in tangles. My pristine, pale-white skin still made me look as young as ever, but.. I already saw the slight bags beneath my eyes and the brief creases in between my brows. I can't believe that after one little spark of _hope _ignited in me, I found myself in such a disheveled state. Was I really that worried by the outcome of the mission? _Of course you are. The proof you're searching for lies in front of the mirror._ That voice again. It kept nagging me. Nagging me to join them. _Why don't you? What are you so afraid of?_

I..

_Wasn't this what you've always dreamed of?_

But..

_Didn't you want to see his face, one last time?_

Yes, but..

_So, what are you afraid of?_

That I'd be hurt again. That he'd treat me the same way that he's always had. _**You don't mean a thing to**_** _me._** Those words hurt. They hurt me like someone who stabbed me with a thousand kunai. If he didn't care about me, what was the point? What was the point of chasing after someone, only to be kicked to the dirt like trash? Why was it that I was always treated like I was worthless by the ones I loved most? _Because you're weak. You're too afraid to remove the shackles surrounding your heart. You're too afraid to get hurt again._ I blinked. Another tear slipped down my cheeks. Why was I crying? I thought I promised Naruto and myself that I wouldn't shed tears any longer. So why am I breaking that promise? _Because you're weak. Prove it that you can become stronger by facing your fears._ _That you don't need to hide watching from a distance._ I closed my eyes and made my final decision.

* * *

Tsunade looked over important missions that she had recently assigned to capable shinobis. There was one, however, that bothered her. It was the mission to retrieve Sasuke Uchiha. She had sent the people that were closest to him at the time of his departure, hoping that it would bring him back to Konoha willingly. Though, for one, she gave them a choice to whether they wanted to take part in the mission, knowing how much they were emotionally unready. '_Did I make the right choice?_' She furrowed her brows further, creating a visible crease.

She thought this over for quite some time before she decided to call it a night and began to pack her secret supply of sake into her purse-

_Bam!_ The door slammed open, revealing a disheveled young girl, her pink tresses in tangles. Her clothes were wrinkled, and she strapped a bag to her side, gripping it with visible knuckles beneath black gloves. Her emerald eyes gleamed with determination, as droplets of sweat slid down her cheeks, panting heavily.

"Where are they?" Her voice came out loud, but clear and affirmative, resounding throughout the room.

* * *

I had made my choice, and there was no way in hell I was going back now. I stood in the doorway of Tsunade-Shishou's office, my question echoing through her ears as she sat at her desk, shocked. She quickly regained her composure shortly after.

"What are you talking about?" She knew what I meant. I _know _she did.

Impatiently, I stammered, "The mission. Where did you send them?"

"I thought you weren't going," She replied coolly, a slight smirk reaching her lips.

"I changed my mind," I looked straight at her, my eyes never leaving hers.

"What made you so suddenly interested, Sakura?" My breath stopped for only a brief moment.

"I.. I want to make sure that they're safe," Drops of sweat slid down my face. Why was I nervous? This _is _the truth, I told myself._  
_

"Ah. I see," She looked back down at the stacks of papers atop her desk and started scribbling things I couldn't see. She then continued, "Well, you're in luck. They only left today to pursue the _target."_

I felt as if her voice hung longer than it should have on _target._

"Does that mean that you know where they are right now?"

"Of course it does. I can't just let my leaf shinobis run around wherever they like, especially on a serious case like this," I nodded, still impatiently waiting for her answer, "Anyway, are you sure that you can handle this mission? I can't let your emotions get in the way."

"Yes. I'll only be there to support and heal the injured," She lifted her hands up and rested her chin on them, appearing to be thinking about my decision. I then added, "_Please,_ Tsunade-Shishou," She stared at me for some time, hazel eyes meeting my emerald ones.

"Alright. I can let you leave tonight, only because you _were _originally assigned to this mission."

Surprised, I stood where I was, almost petrified because I didn't expect her to approve of my decision. Seeing my state, she then motioned her fingers for me to come closer. I did, and as soon as I walked over, she began explaining the routes that she had suggested to Naruto and the others, and now, me. I listened intently, not missing a word.

After disclosing the paths that I should take, I ran over towards the door, but not before waving a hand and yelling my thanks and farewells. I ambled through the village and made my way to the south gate. When I crossed the line of where the village stood and the outside, I took a deep breath. A quote replayed throughout my mind, '_A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step._'

I drove chakra to my feet, and jumped, giving me a boost to start off my mission. The cluster of trees that lay before me gradually became just a blur of dark figures within the night.

* * *

I slowed down once I was panting quite heavily. I _needed _to get there as fast as I could. I know that it's only been practically one day, but.. I just had some bad feeling that _something _would happen, and I wouldn't be there to stop it. _Calm down. It's only been roughly 18 hours. I don't think that they'd find him that fast even if they knew of his whereabouts on his location._ The other voice reassured me. My breathing came down to a silent rise and fall of my chest now. It's practically impossible to find someone like _him _that quickly. Or at least _any _traitor nin. I closed my eyes and decided that I should rest here for the night.

I looked through my bag that hung loosely from my shoulders, but found nothing of use. I stared, agape. _How could I have been so stupid? _ I eyed the contents of my bag and only found spare clothes, some water, energy bars, and an extra pair of gloves. I didn't even pack any things made for camping! I guess it was because I was in such a rush that I wasn't even paying attention to what I was packing. Sighing, I took the spare clothes and folded them until they had made a decent pillow. I placed my bag to the side and sat down, leaning against a tree trunk.

I looked up to the sky and saw the beautiful dark night dotted with brightly lit stars through the leaves of the trees that towered over me. I could hear the rhythmic chirps of the crickets as they erased all my thoughts, creating a calm, serene atmosphere. I didn't know how long I was staring; nor did I care. It made me feel at peace with the world. I closed my eyes and began to hum to the beat of the chirps.

* * *

Bright light flooded through my eyelids, forcing me to open them. I lifted my hand to cover the blazing sun in the early morning. Quickly sitting up, I felt my neck ache because of the uncomfortable position of sleeping on the floor. I swiftly shoved my clothes into my bag as I fought the sleep reminiscent in my eyes. Thinking back to what Tsunade-Shishou had told me last night, I figured that this was where I should.. make a left turn? Or was it a right? Or do I just keep going forward? _Shit._ Why didn't I ask for a list of directions? Ever since _he _reappeared in my life, I've been making such trivial mistakes that I usually never forget. Taking a guess, I sprinted towards the left, not knowing what lay ahead of me.

A few hours passed as I continued in that direction, looking around and stretching my chakra to its limits, trying to detect any other unfamiliar presences. Nothing. I figured, as this part of the forest was dense and it looked like no one had been here for quite a while. The weeds grew taller than the rest, reaching as high as my waist level. The trees towered over me, intimidating me, as they blocked practically any source of sunlight that shone towards the ground. _Never trust my instincts,_ **_again._** I sighed, as I went through yet another uninhabited section of the forest.

Sooner than I thought, the trees began to recede and less and less of them started showing. They also seemed like they were thinner and shorter as well. The weeds turned into short, stubby grass that had difficulties thriving in the dry earth. I could now look straight ahead of me, and not have some random tree protruding on my line of vision. I looked forward, trying to see if the place was familiar to my eyes. It was.

The recognizable landscape that appeared before my eyes was no other, _The Valley of the End._ This was where Tsunade-Shishou had planned for me to go all along. I remembered it as the spot that Naruto and Sasuke fought endlessly until each were equally drained of their chakra. The same place where their friendship had been torn in half. I stared at the two statues facing each other as they held their fingers for tradition before a battle.

The waterfall flowed freely, plunging into the lake at the bottom. The two respectful monuments stood at the edges of the border between Fire and Sound. The trees on either side would blow their leaves, lifting them to flutter through the air as a gust of wind swept them away, carrying them to their opposing sides. As if remaining balance between the two countries. The cascading waterfall remained in the middle, flowing just as freely, not slightly curving to either side. Though, I stood at the edge of Fire country's side, tipping the equilibrium.

I stood and watched as the leaves drifted about in the direction that the wind blew. I looked up to the sky and saw the bright clear blue that had the occasional white fluffs floating around. I had practically let most of my guard down during these moments of enjoying the scenery, and I cursed myself for that. Before I knew it, a flash of black and white appeared across the waterfall from me.

* * *

He really has changed over the years. I could barely recognize him now that he's taller and grown his hair out. He wore clothes that closely resembled Orochimaru's. He may seem different, but nonetheless, he's still the same person who tormented me for months. When his dark obsidian eyes met mine, they had a hint of confusion in them. He probably would've expected to meet Naruto, but certainly not me. That means that he never even gave a thought about me. Even after all these years, he still treats me as if I was nothing to him.

"Uchiha." He flinched. I simply stared at him.

"Sakura." He replied coolly.

There was a long pause between us.

Eventually, his curiosity must have won him over because he asked, "How did you get here?"

"Tsunade sent me," I spoke with a clear, blunt answer.

"Where's Naruto?" See? I knew that he didn't give a rat's ass about me.

"I came alone."

I stared straight into his uncaring charcoal eyes. For a second, I could almost see him chuckling to himself. He was treating me as something insignificant. Something inconsequential. Something _disposable._ I hated it. His every word or emotion was no secret to me. I knew what every simple reply or question really meant. I knew what every facial expression told. I hated myself for this. Why has he become such a big part of my life, when I rarely even show up in his?

I won't let him treat me like trash anymore. I'm going to prove to him that I'm important. That I exist. And that I don't give a crap about him either. He had broken my heart once, and I'm not giving him a second chance to do it again. I'm going to end all my misery now. I won't have any more recurring memories of him.

A sharp, black blade whizzed through and cut strands of hair off his perfect, raven head. He took a step back. I smirked.

"Prove it that you're stronger than me, Uchiha."

Even if I was alone, and the others haven't found him yet, I felt confident. I felt great power surge within me. I felt.. _happy._

After regaining his composure, he scoffed.

"We both know you can't beat me."

He stared dismissively at me, as if I was merely trash to him.

I smirked, "We won't know until one of us is dead."

His posture returned to its former firm state. I could see a slight fall in his confidence. My smirk grew larger. There was no way that I was going to lose this battle. I was giving it my all. I wasn't going to let my emotions win me over. After all, I'd lost them the second I saw him on the other side of the waterfall. For the first time in a long time, I felt nothing holding me back. I was letting my killing intent take over, and it was aimed at the man who stood before me. The man who shattered the heart that I used to love with.

* * *

Naruto and I made promises. He promised me that he would bring Sasuke back. I promised him that I wouldn't cry ever again. Today, I broke those promises. I cried. Tears flooded through, but they quickly receded just as fast. I made my commitment. I wasn't going to count solely on Naruto anymore. I wasn't going to depend on anyone else but myself. I was going to be independent. Make my own choices. Set my own goals. And complete them. On my own. I've broken one promise. And now, I'm breaking a second. _I _was going to bring Sasuke back. _I _was going to shove him back to Konoha, whether he liked it or not. But before then, I'm going to give him a nice beating to show how much pain I endured because of him.

I grew up.

I'm stronger now.

I wouldn't hide behind someone's back any longer.

I found myself at the front lines of the battle, staring into blank, emotionless charcoal eyes.

* * *

_I'm going to bring him back to Konoha, Dead or Alive._

* * *

_Thanks for reading. (:_


End file.
